About 10 days ago, I had my last day at a full-time with benefits, really great job. I didn’t really tell anyone online about it. I really did feel like I was living a secret life before you.
Let’s back up a bit. Cooper was born in 2009 and was THE WORST fussy baby of all four of our fussy babies. He seriously (and I’m not kidding) screamed bloody murder if he wasn’t being held by ME. Just me. No one else. Just me. Insert balling, crazy faced emoji here. We teased that because I induced him a week early by choice, he was getting back at me for taking him out of his safe space in me too early. If that was the case, he sure told me so! Anyway…I got started on Facebook a couple months before I found out I was carrying who would be Cooper. Photographers, especially Audrey Woulard were popping up on Facebook in front of me and literally my insides felt like they were going to burst and my brain would say, “I HAVE to do that!” as I looked at her photos. Josh connected me to another pastor’s wife, Heather Wilson, a newborn photographer, and she agreed to teach me about photography. I had my mom’s hand-me-down old Nikon D100 and a 50mm 1.8 lens. She taught me how to shoot in manual and how to look for light. She taught me how to use Photoshop as well. Now neither of these amazing ladies shoot the same as they did back then but they were an incredible inspiration and help to me in the early years. I continued to learn a ton online and haven’t stopped learning.
The rest of my startup story can be told later. Let’s fast forward to 2017…we were moving. I was super excited and scared to death to relaunch my business in our new community. I shouldn’t have been nervous because my market had just multiplied by a lot with the Twin Cities so close. But with Moriah’s last two years of high school and our immediate involvement in the Chisago Lakes Marching Band, I quickly saw that I would possibly miss out on a lot of parades and other things she had going on if I was booking a year in advance for weddings especially. I decided to take a break from my photography business and I got to work for my husband so I was super excited.
Fast forward again to 2020…before the pandemic…we decided that I should get a job that has health insurance benefits. I applied and applied and applied and applied….I could go on. Not one interview…not one anything. It was quite strange. I couldn’t even get into Kwik Trip. There was ONE job I was especially hoping for. It was at a Catholic Church in the same town as the kids’ schools. It was 30 hours with benefits. It was working with one of my friends. I had a phone interview, and then another. Then an in-person interview and then I got the call that they chose someone else. In that phone call, the then Parish Administrator said that things COULD be changing, and if I held out, that in May, a new position might be opening. Hmmm… Well, I held out to May and then to June and almost to July. During that time we were waiting and we were praying. It’s sometimes really hard to know if it’s feelings or God leading but at one point, Josh said to me, “You know, you really do come alive when you have a camera in your hands (photographing people). I think you should go back to photography.” I still had all my equipment and even had a bride and groom beg me to come out of my “semi-retirement” to shoot their Bayfield wedding. What??!!?! AND then I had two more couples book with me for weddings in 2020. It was 2020. People were struggling. There was a pandemic. Are you kidding?! Relaunch (and rebrand if I’m relaunching) during a pandemic. Well, I took the leap and on June 22nd I posted this VIDEO on my business page. {to get the whole story watch the video and then don’t forget to come back to read about my secret life and embarrassing story.}
WELL, the job I had been waiting and hoping and praying for and then gave up on messaged and offered me the new position at the church. ONE WEEK AFTER THAT VIDEO!! Ugh. What do we do now??? Waaaa!!! Lord, what are you up to?? How can I put this video out there and have it get 600 views and now I would go on to say, “Oops! I changed my mind! I was wrong. I’m not relaunching. I rebranded for nothing.”
After thinking it through and knowing it would take probably three years to build my photography business back up, choosing to not pass up on benefits and after waiting so long and knowing I’d be good in the job and I would enjoy it, I took it…all the while thinking I could do it all.
Because of my recent relaunch of the Jen Jensen Photography (previously known as Ps 139 Photography) I was super embarrassed to do a big post on Facebook that I was working a new job, so I just kept quiet. I shamefully didn’t even change my workplace on my About section on Facebook (not that that’s the be all and end all of life announcements, but it was how I lived my life before). I always worried that my friend, who now was my boss, would wonder why I didn’t announce my new job. Of course, people in my circle knew where I was, but I kind of thought I was keeping it a secret.
I kept living this secret life until June 17th, 2021 - almost a year of trying to do both and be a mom and be a wife and be in ministry. I have learned, I am SO not Superwoman! I can not do it all. Last fall, when I had a few photo sessions and a few weddings, I was SO overwhelmed and even then worried, “How am I going to do this?!”. I had planned on getting at least 5 hours a week of work in with Josh. Nope. I hoped to be in outside activities. Nope. I hoped to plan and execute a women’s conference - the pandemic cancelled that. I hoped to be a good mom and keep my house clean and be a good wife…well, not “nope” but not as well as I wanted. I felt like I was dropping plates everywhere. My sweet friend and boss told me what her boss once told her, “You can’t keep all the plates spinning at once, you can only do a few at a time.”
I let my bosses know many months in advance of my last day that I needed to be done. Through a series of weird events at work, I kept moving my last day later and later. I had three weddings scheduled the first three Saturdays in June so I knew I couldn’t be very much help at that point but my STELLAR replacement was able to start while I was away at the first wedding (in Tennessee) and after just the first day of training with her, I knew she was going to catch on quickly, which she did. It was a bittersweet knowing that the position and the staff was in good hands.
OH MY!! This is WHY I wanted to write this post….we’re finally here!!! I wanted to share about the sweet friendships I deepened and gained while working at my “Secret job”. I loved all the staff so much. THEY were the hardest part - the most difficult factor in deciding to leave - even more than giving up paid health insurance. I would drive to work and ALWAYS at this certain spot on Highway 8 have all my doubts flood in. I would have to fight them day after day reminding myself that I wasn’t Superwoman, that they would be okay without me-probably better off-which I totally think that is the case. BUT I knew it was going to be hard. I was going to miss the staff. They are all the most amazing people! Let me tell you about them.
First there is Jessica. She is the one who has been my friend since our boys were in the same class in 2nd grade. She knew me as a person and my work at Kost and believed in me, no matter what and then has been a cheerleader in my photography pursuits. We appreciated being able to bounce ideas off one another, be a confidant to one another and encourage one another. I’m so glad that we can continue being friends! I look forward to growing in our faith together, learning to be better wives and moms together and serving and loving on others in our individual work together. You are a joy to work for and you’re amazing at what you do! Don’t believe the doubts and lies that come your way!
Next is Theresa. I don’t know if there’s anyone in my adult life that I have loved as quickly as I have Theresa (other than my own children). She would call me from her office (oh how I wish I could put audio in here)…”Jen…Jeeeennn….JeeeEEEN! I have a problem.” I would go in and she’d lost a document (she loved the X button) or a couple times she had turned the display on her monitor on it’s side! I had to google it to figure out how it happened. I would share “Theresa stories” at home fairly often! :) She was pretty nervous about Zoom. She asked for a lot of help and learned a lot while I was there. We both agreed that God had me there “for such a time as this” to help her and the other catechists through the religious ed year with Zoom. I also used my phone to make her teaching videos. We would set up her little phone tripod to record her video, I’d make sure her necklace was straight and her hair was fixed and get her started, “3, 2…. thumbs up” and she’d give her teaching. She was so worried that the new person wouldn’t be able to do all that I did for her. I assured her over and over that they would be able to and could do more, I’m sure! When I took the staff photos, she said something I hope I will never forget, “Jen! You’re amazing! You were made to do this. You HAVE to do this.” It meant more to me than she’ll ever know. Theresa loves kids, especially when they would visit during the pandemic when we weren’t seeing too many at the office. I can still hear her excited voice crying out to them when she’d see their faces! She loved when my boys would come in as well and was so kind and welcoming to them! She was the sweetest (saddest) when I was leaving. She really wanted me to stay and would communicate that in loving ways often. She wrote me the most clever and meaningful poem to go with my gift when they had my farewell lunch. We’ve prayed together, laughed together and cried together! She’s insisted that I visit, and I will! :) If you’re reading this, I love you, friend! Hugs to you!
Last but not least is Heidi. Oh my. I shared Heidi’s office with her, invading with my noisy water warmer and my music and my desire for cool air! She had her quiet water warmer, her sweet demeanor and her COAT and space heater! We were quite the pair! But oh my. I’d listen to her on the phone with someone and I would say to myself, “Every church needs a Heidi on its staff.” She was so good at what she did! A couple months after I announced my upcoming departure, she announced her retirement. I was excited for her, sad for the staff and the parish, but sooooo relieved for me. It meant she was leaving too. I wasn’t leaving her - we were both leaving. That doesn’t make sense but it was a strange relief to me. Heidi is so wise! She has one daughter and three sons just like I do and she was so helpful to me. I’m talkative and would vent or share about a parenting dilemma and she would listen and then, usually a little while later, would come over by my desk and compassionately look me in the eyes and PULL ME OFF THE LEDGE! :) Over and over she did this. “He’s only ‘such & such an age’” she would say, reminding me of what I was like at that age. Or “He’s not you” helping me to stop projecting on a child what I would foolishly do in a situation. We too cried together, laughed a lot together (I love Heidi’s laugh, I can hear it as I type), and talked a lot about life and faith, parenting and church world. I was always afraid I talked more than I listened (I’m sure I did) but she hopefully knows how much I care about her as well. We look forward to tea and walks together as soon as she retires (this week!!). Congratulations Heidi on 15 fabulous years serving the hurting and homebound among many others at St. Bridget’s. You are so very loved!
I didn’t get a picture with Jayne. I hopefully will get one when I get to do her family photography session in August though! Jayne is in charge of the Baby Blanket and was my “main man” on the video team. She helped out in so many ways and was always gracious with me when I would mess up. She brought joy and light everywhere she went and I was always glad to see her when she was in at the office! After I did the staff photos, she encouraged me incredibly! I will treasure this forever. Thank you again, Jayne!
So as you battle with yourself Jen over whether you've made the right 'employment ' decision, let me tell you what I observed yesterday. I saw great joy in you as you took photos of all of us. You were truly in your element. I vote yes. You made the right decision. 👍😁
Fr. Dave, Joe, Jim, Tim and Tony and all the volunteer guys - the Maintenance Men - were fantastic to work with as well. Joe was so hesitant to ask me for IT help and half the time I had no clue but we would try together. He really hated to have to Zoom and teach in person but did it with flying colors! He was always ready ahead of time with his bulletin information and thinking ahead for reaching the youth. Tony cracked me up and was a joy. He is quite accident prone but would keep everyone on their toes with his solutions and stories. Fr. Dave especially is dear to me. He actually reminded me of my dad and would make me think of him often, especially when he’d decide to make popcorn for all the staff. I so appreciated his (and everyone’s) acceptance of my ‘non-Catholic’ faith. It was a joy to work with such joyful sisters and brothers in Christ.
For as much as I will miss working with the staff there at St. B’s, I am so grateful to be home with my family again leading a Bible Study, and working on the work I’ve been called to. I have struggled greatly with this not being ministry, but God is gently showing me that it totally can be and is and I look forward to someday maybe, when I grow enough, to have staff of my own to serve and love like Jessica and Fr. Dave serve their staff - with the heart of Jesus.
I’ll be back to take photos of Jim and the new staff. And I will visit! :)